Picking yourself up after a setback: five ways to bounce back

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As the first woman to row the Atlantic twice from east to west, everywoman Associate Sally Kettle knows a thing or two about rebounding after a fall.

In our webinar Regaining motivation after a setback (log in to listen on demand), she shares her insight into how you can rediscover your drive after a personal or professional upset.

 

1. TURN HINDSIGHT INTO INSIGHT

TIP:
Make a habit of conducting post project wash-ups, regardless of the outcome and the process will become less painful. In her research on learning in hospitals, Harvard University’s Amy Edmondson discovered that the highest-performing nursing units had reported the largest number of mistakes. Not because they made more mistakes, but because they felt safe to report and share the ones they did make. 

Give yourself time to recover emotionally from your setback, but as soon as you’ve established sufficient distance between yourself and the situation, muster up all your strength to channel your disappointment into cold curiosity.

What went wrong and why? Keep a cool head and examine the situation as would a third party. Imagine you’re a detective tasked with writing a report based only on tangible evidence.

It can help to use a popular brainstorming technique we call ‘What would Beyoncé do?’ In this exercise, you ask yourself what went wrong from the point of view of multiple outsiders – your boss, your partner, a client, Superman, Sherlock Holmes, your favourite pop star.

 

 

2. ACKNOWLEDGE THE LESSON

“Feedback is a gift, if someone takes the time to tell you something it’s because they care and they want you to get better.”

Tea Colaianni,
Group HR Director of Merlin Entertainment and everywomanClub member

You’ve acknowledged what went wrong; now it’s time to learn from it. Ask yourself what you personally could have done differently or what you may have missed.

Muster up a big dose of courage and seek feedback from someone who can offer insight either into the failed project or you and your strengths and behaviours. Commit to listening and taking on board whatever constructive feedback comes your way.

Once you’ve had time to digest, it’s time to think next steps. Look at the original plan and apply all that you’ve learned to ensure ‘plan B’ is a success.

 

 

3. GET FEISTY

“I made so many mistakes along the way, but eventually I made it across 3,000 miles of open water. [Through all the setbacks] I realised I could adapt to changing circumstances and still come out on top. Why stay in the foothills when you can climb the mountains?”

Sally Kettle,
World record rower

You’ve dialled down all that negative anger and emotion in order to conduct a cool-headed evaluation.

Now it’s time to relight your ambition fire. The harder you took the setback, the more important the project or goal likely was to you. Tune into that drive, remembering what it was that motivated you to start with.

Dial up your competitive streak: tell yourself you won’t be beaten; visualise yourself rising to the challenge; consider how much sweeter the eventual victory will be following your triumphant return to form.  

 

 

4. WHEN EATING AN ELEPHANT, TAKE ONE BITE AT A TIME

Digestible milestones are key to creating a ‘plan B’ that works. Your confidence has taken a knock so it’s essential you take time to rebuild. Break down the revised plan into tiny goals, using Black British Business Awards Founder and everywomanClub member Melanie Eusebe’s three-step approach.

“Since I was a child I started each year by creating a set of goals for the year, or even the next five years [and over time] I’ve become better at managing the process. The first stage in my goal-setting is to ensure every goal is really important to me on a very personal level; I know that when the going gets tough, I’ll need to remind myself why I wanted this in the first place.

“The second stage is to break down every goal into manageable chunks; by defining the small steps I’ll take along the way, I’m much more likely to succeed.

“The final step is to continually review my goals. I do this monthly, examining whether or not the goal is still relevant, or if it’s evolved and I need to rethink its parameters. Taking this approach ensures I stay accountable.”

 

5. YAY YOU!

“It was at the beginning of my career and I was made Project Manager on a big job. I was the youngest and newest member on the team and rather than pat myself on the back, I undermined myself from the beginning. The thing is, I was good and I’d spent a year working hard on a similar project. I deserved it, but I derailed myself. The team picked up on my vulnerability and walked over me a little bit. You need to really own it. Be your biggest cheerleader.”

Sara Parsons
everywoman Associate

In the aftermath of your setback, it’s highly likely that you gave yourself some negative self-talk. With your new, SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant and timely) ‘plan B’ and your motivation back in top gear, it’s important that you take time to congratulate yourself.

Don’t wait until you’ve ticked off a few of those small milestones; take a moment to recognise the progress you’ve made in overcoming your disappointment and the resilience you’ve demonstrated in trying again. Know that it will stand you in good stead when faced with future challenges. Bouncing back stronger is the mark of a true leader: pause to recognise how far you’ve come.

 

 

More ways to discover your inner strength on the everywomanNetwork

Resilience: bouncing back (workbook)

Don’t let fear of failure get in the way – 5 steps to overcoming limiting beliefs

5 common workplace fears and how to stop them holding you back

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