‘Speaking up’ when you’re an introvert: how ‘quiet’ women rise to the challenge

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As many of 50% of the working population self-identify as introverts, but only 4% of leaders say the same. The manager keen to see their introverted reports rise to the top might well advise them to channel the behaviours of the office’s extroverts – but there is another way.

In the latest in our series on dealing with common feedback in the workplace (scroll down the page to see previous instalments), we take a look at how introverted women from the business world found ways to push themselves forward authentically and with great success.

 

WHEN THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT TIMING

WHEN THE PROBLEM IS ALL ABOUT TIMING

Many introverts don’t find speaking in a group challenging per se; where they come unstuck is being put on the spot. By their nature, introverts are thinkers, whose best ideas need incubation time. If you’ve ever been struck with a great thought on the way back to your desk, you’ll know how frustrating ‘mind freeze’ can be when you’re in a meeting situation. An online discuss board on this very topic throws up the following tactics:

“Table Topics – a game where individuals around a table are called upon randomly to stand and give a one-minute response to a question – always made me incredibly nervous, but fighting through that fear (and realising that you can do it), did help me.”

“I work in advertising, where the expectation of a quick and effective answer is sometimes urgent. Practice is definitely a key to getting quicker on your feet, but so is relaxation. When presented with a suddenly stressful situation, it’s easy to freeze up a little while your mind attempts to comprehend everything as fast as it can. Taking a tiny mental space to remind yourself to relax so that you can actually think more effectively is crucial to me in these situations. Meditation makes this easier to do, as is having what I like to think of as a ‘game face’ – that mental state of readiness that you’d put on just before a competition. Most people are aware that time to think equals better solutions (ergo, you’re not the only one who would like more time to organise their thoughts). Knowing that helps me a lot, too.”

“If a person asks about topic B when your brain was on topic A, ask them a question in return to clarify what information they want, and use the pause to hone in on what response they need. Crack a small joke. Whatever makes you feel re-centred.”

“Being a quick thinker is not about blurting something out or muddling through; it is learning how to say, ‘I don’t know’ or ‘Interesting question, let me look into that and get back to you’ or ‘My gut impression is xyz, but I would like time to consider all the points of view before I commit to an answer’. In the long run, credibility is more important than just having a quick answer.”

 

GET TO KNOW PEOPLE YOUR WAY

GET TO KNOW PEOPLE YOUR WAY

If you’ve been given the feedback that senior figures you encounter in meetings don’t really know you or what makes you tick, you face the daunting challenge of projecting your self-image in a group situation – a naturally extrovert behaviour. Introverts are much more drawn to 1-2-1 conversations where they can really listen, share and connect with the other person. Look for opportunities to chat informally on a private basis – arriving at the meeting early or staying late, seeking out the person in question at networking events or even inviting them for a coffee. Think carefully about what you want them to know about you and what you’d like to know about them in exchange. The comfort that a degree of familiarity brings can mean you’re more inclined to be open in future group situations. Introverted reporter Jen Retter explains how she uses this aspect of introversion to her advantage:

“Introverts are listeners. When I’m in a conversation, I’m not caught up in trying to get my point of view in or draw attention to myself. I pay attention. I read people well. That’s how I find stories — I listen intently and I catch key points mid-interview to use as my angle. No matter what any professor, friend, boss, or colleague tells you about the pitfalls of introverts in public image careers, know that introverts carry their own set of worthy skills that can add to any field. I’ve found that my unique skill set — my listening, my flexibility, and my empathy — has made my reporting process special in its own way and has led me to stories I never would have found if I’d had a more gregarious personality type.”

 

FIND A GREAT MENTOR IN INTROVERTED LEADERSHIP

Despite the preponderance of extroverts in leadership, introverts do find their way to the top. Look for introverted role models near and far, whose quiet path to success you can be inspired by. Bill Gates, Hillary Clinton, Marissa Mayer, Mark Zuckerberg, J K Rowling, Warren Buffet, Wendy Kopp, the founder of Teach for America, and Dean of Harvard Law School, Martha Minow all self-identify as introverts, despite finding themselves in the ubiquitous media spotlight. Look around your organisation for examples of introverted leaders and reach out to them for advice; just knowing that a quieter path to the top exists can be a huge confidence boost.

“I was reminded of the importance of mentorships recently when my dear friend and mentor passed away,” says Paula Kerger, CEO of media organisation Public Broadcasting Service. “He supported me and was always there to give advice and counsel. My best advice is to study people carefully, and find people whose approach and work you truly admire. As introverts, we are especially good at watching people carefully, and analysing a situation. Use this skill to help identify people whose advice will be truly valuable. Ask for help on a specific topic. As an introvert, it can feel like too much of an imposition to ask someone to “become your mentor.” Someone doesn’t have to commit to being your lifelong guide in order to give you good advice that can help you navigate through a tough situation. Build slowly, and you’ll find over time that you’ve developed a deeper relationship that goes beyond one-off advice.”

Be mindful too of the lessons you can learn from the extroverts in your workspace. As Susan Cain, author of New York Times Best Seller Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Won’t Stop Talking says: “My husband, my best friend, and my Quiet Revolution co-founder are all extroverts. Introverts and extroverts are yin and yang — we enjoy and need each other.”

 

USE A PSYCHOLOGICAL TRICK CALLED DE-SENSITISATION

USE A PSYCHOLOGICAL TRICK CALLED DE-SENSITISATION

For those times when you have to take centre stage, this behavioural tactic – pioneered by psychiatrists – can help. You quite literally numb yourself to the thing that scares you most, by performing it over and over again. It’s a technique that Susan Cain, one of the world’s most outspoken introverts, used in preparation for delivering her TED talk before a live audience of 1,500 people:

“[It was] the great challenge of my life. You have to desensitise yourself to your fear of or discomfort with speaking by practicing in small, safe steps. You need a group of supportive people to practice with, a group where you can screw up as much as you want without any real consequences. This is how I overcame my fear — little by little by little by little.”

Sources: Business Insider; Ask MetaFilter, Ninja Journalism, LinkedIn.

 

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