Whether you’ve been asked to mentor someone coming up behind you, or are considering putting yourself forward for your organisation’s mentoring scheme, you probably have questions about what it really means to be a mentor.
With nearly three in ten (29%) everywomanNetwork members admitting that their own mentor wasn’t very effective stepping into those shoes is an important responsibility. Below, we answer the most frequently asked questions of those embarking on the journey towards role model status.
Q: I’m about to start mentoring someone in my organisation. What should I focus on in that very first conversation?
It’s great that you’re asking this question because those early discussions – even the early emails you exchange with your mentee regarding logistics, times, dates and meeting locations – lay the groundwork for your relationship.
Concentrate in the first instance on building trust and rapport. The best way to do that is to show an interest and to listen. Of course, your mentee will be interested in you, your background and experience, but it’s important you strike the right balance between sharing information about yourself and listening to what they have to say about their own background and needs. Ask open-ended questions wherever you can to show how interested you are, and make sure your body language mirrors your words. It’s a great feeling to be truly listened to, and it’s the best way to get your mentee relaxed and at ease in your company – particularly if you’re much more senior and may leave them feeling a tad awe-struck.
As time goes on, these listening skills will remain key to the relationship. If your mentee says something you disagree with, beware of judging or asking leading questions (“But don’t you think that…”). Remember that your role is to bring out the best in your mentee. As Steven Spielberg said: “The delicate balance of mentoring someone is not creating them in your own image but giving them the opportunity to create themselves.”
Q: I really want to contribute to my organisation’s mentoring scheme, but my workload is crazy. Is it best I wait until I’ve more time to donate?
Whatever your current circumstances, it’s a really good idea to think through what you have to offer in terms of time before you sign up to become a mentor. But having a full desk doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t mentor someone.
Consider what you can commit to and be upfront about this. There might be potential mentees out there who want to meet up no more than once a quarter. Whatever you can offer might be enough, so put it out there and see what comes back.
Q: I’ve been asked to be a mentor to someone who reports into my boss. I don’t want to cross over into line management. Should I decline the request?
You’re very wise to be cautious of getting in the way of a workplace relationship. But that doesn’t mean you can’t mentor someone who works closely with your own inner circle. In any mentoring relationship, it’s important that very early on you set out a contract that sets out the rules for how the relationship will work and which both parties must agree on before moving forward.
One of the most important elements of the contract will be what you are and are not happy to discuss. If that conversation uncovers the fact that your would-be mentee is looking for help and guidance with a manager issue, then you’re not the right mentor for him or her. If on the other hand he or she is looking for general support, or guidance in other areas, and can commit to not entering into no-go territory, then you can proceed.
Q: I’m two years into my first role and have been asked to mentor a new graduate. Can I really be a mentor before I have any formal management experience?
There are many skills needed to be a good mentor, and chances are you’ve already gained many of them during your first few years in work. If you’ve not yet had formal management experience, one of the key things to consider is that part of your role of mentor is to give honest feedback.
There’s no point telling your mentee he or she is wonderful all the time. Your job is to see the bigger picture, to show them where they might be getting bogged down in detail or focussing on the right things, and delivering all that in a constructive and honest way.
Have a think about where you might already be doing this – with friends, family, and colleagues.
[i] November 2015 poll from the everywomanNetwork webinar Key mentoring skills by mentoring expert Sara Parsons
