They earn more, are more likely to be noticed in the workplace and occupy an estimated 96% of leadership positions. Extroverts, it seems, have the edge when it comes to thriving in the modern workplace, with its open plan office layouts and emphasis on group work.
But that doesn’t mean extroverts don’t have their fair share of workplace challenges or constructive feedback to contend with. Just as the introvert encouraged to “speak up more” can find ways to be noticed without channelling inauthentic extrovert behaviours, the extrovert asked to “dial down” elements of a big personality, can do so in ways that don’t undermine their own natural preferences.
REMEMBER THE 60/40 RULE
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If your memory isn’t great, take a moment after networking events to jot down what you’ve learned about new connections, looking over before you meet again to ensure your next conversation moves beyond small talk.
Sometimes “the most inspirational thing you can do is give people a darn good listening to,” says Communicate To Inspire author Kevin Murray. As an extrovert you probably love to chat, but to truly communicate you have to not only allow others to have their say, but truly hear them. Challenge yourself in conversations to spend 60% of the time listening to what the other party has to say. Show that you’re interested by asking questions and demonstrative body language, taking care never to interrupt.
TAKE A STEP BACK FROM TIME TO TIME
You’re probably in your element in networking or large group situations, and learn most of what you know from other people through your conversations with them. Set some time aside in such environments and take a step back, noting what new insights you can glean about others and their relationships simply from watching them interact from the sidelines. What can you deduce about the dynamic in the groups around you? What can you glean about individuals’ interests through snippets of conversation and body language? When you slide back into extrovert mode, your conversation starters might be all the more meaningful for it.
CHANNEL STRONG FEELINGS INTO ASSERTIVE BEHAVIOURS
You might think you’re being assertive and forthright, but to the more passive person or introvert, your behaviour might just seem as aggressive. If you regularly find yourself in conflict rather than healthy debate, if you’ve been criticised for being “too loud”, “argumentative” or “emotional” in your responses, it’s time to take an honest assessment of where you sit on the passive, assertive or aggressive curve. By developing your emotional intelligence you can tap into tendencies to react in the heat of the moment, and channel those feelings into more productive communications.
STOP WINGING IT
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Record yourself while delivering both presentations you’ve prepared and underprepared for to notice the differences in how you come across.
As you’ll know if you’ve ever witnessed an introvert colleague freeze up in a meeting, introverts hate being put on the spot. They need cognitive incubation time to formulate their thoughts for articulation. Extroverts, on the other hand, are much more comfortable ‘going with the flow’ or thinking up ideas in the moment. While that might have meant you’ve neatly sidestepped the embarrassment of going all ‘deer in the headlights’ in front of your colleagues, you might instead have found yourself waffling, repeating yourself or, worse, simply not making any sense, as you ‘thought out loud’ before the group. Work on preparing in advance your thoughts on key discussion points, practising them out loud and getting feedback from others on how you can be more succinct, concise and clear.
“Working in solitude beforehand allows a limited pool of ideas to make it to the table, while giving the extroverts time to bring their best instead of just tossing out any idea in order to fill the awkward silence that often prevails when people are put on the spot,” writes Fast Company business journalist and extrovert Lydia Dishman.
HONOUR YOUR OWN NEED FOR QUIET TIME
Extroverts thrive on stimulation, introverts on quiet solitude, says conventional wisdom. But before such polarised views of introversion and extroversion took hold, psychiatrist Carl Jung said: “There is no such thing as a pure introvert or extrovert. Such a person would be in the lunatic asylum.”
“As an extrovert myself, I have been very grateful for an office with a door, a quiet conference room, and the ability to dispatch calls immediately to voicemail so I could focus on deadline,” writes Dishman. “That said, working in an open space surrounded by people staring at their screens with headphones on (in effort to fabricate barriers where none exist) kind of makes my palms itch.”
Balance is key. Tune into how you work best on different tasks and at different times of day, making sure you give yourself both headspace and social interaction when you need them.
TUNING INTO VOLUME
Just as introverts get lumbered with annoying labels (“wallflower”, “quiet as a mouse”, “shy”), extroverts can be hurt when they’re deemed “loud mouths” or publically shushed. Many extroverts (and introverts with loud voices) might struggle with this feedback, particularly if they feel they simply can’t help the way they talk.
Voice coach Nancy Daniels offers the following advice in her blog: “A good way to test to see if you are too loud would be to record the voice of someone who speaks in a normal volume of sound and then record yourself. It is very important that both you and the other speaker record your voices the exact same distance from the microphone.
“Play it back at a comfortable listening level, adjusting your output levels according to the volume of the other speaker – not yourself. If you speak too loudly, you will notice quite a difference in volume between you and the other individual.
“While you can certainly train yourself to decrease your volume, one of the best techniques to make this change is to discover your ‘real’ voice. By allowing your chest to power your sound, instead of just your throat, mouth and nose, your volume will decrease naturally. The loud edges or angles, the stridency, will be gone and your voice will become warmer, richer, deeper, and resonant. Learning how to decrease your level of sound will allow your words to be heard.”
More from the series on dealing with common feedback
What to do when you’re told to ‘be more visible’
How four women figured out their next career move
360-feedback: how four women dealt with colleague reviews
‘Speaking up’ when you’re an introvert: how ‘quiet’ women rise to the challenge
