Influencing others: are you taking the wrong approach?

influence

We all need to influence others every day of our working lives. Whether it’s getting the children to eat breakfast so you can leave the house, the boss to agree a deadline extension or a challenging colleague to buy into your idea, your ability to influence impacts workloads, wellbeing and future prospects.

As the above examples demonstrate, influence isn’t just about making an impact on your line manager; though 22% of everywoman Network members are mostly concerned with influencing the boss, the vast majority (62%) recognise that they need to influence in all directions – upwards to senior figures, downwards, sideways and externally.

In her webinar Understanding your influencing style, everywoman associate Sara Parsons explains that everyone has their default influencing style – the one they might grab at when they’re stressed or not really thinking about it. In some scenarios that style might be serving you well; in others it could be holding you back. Either way, think back over the last week and the moments where you’ve needed to influence another person – whether it’s to make you a cup of tea, move a meeting slot or help out on a business critical task. Which of the following two styles did you rely on? As you read through, think about in which scenarios your less dominant style might serve you better.

Push style of influencing

When you use push influencing, you’re attempting to move someone to change by focussing on what you need. You want them to adopt your ideas and follow your path. Though this may appear domineering, aggressive even, scenarios where a push style might be the best option include one where you have a very firm or fixed belief that your method is the best or only one. Or it might be that due to time pressures you don’t have time to get a team’s backing and you need them to simply progress with your orders immediately. It could be the best option when the person you’re influencing has little or no experience and needs to be led, or when you’re in a situation where your power and authority is warranted or even expected.

18% of everywoman Network members use push influencing most often

Push influence is easy to spot by its serious body language and facial expressions, and the fixed position of the influencer – the next time you witness someone influencing a colleague or group, look out for the signs. It’s also at its most evident in hierarchies – when the boss’s boss brings forward your deadline, for example, or the department chief imposes a new process.

“You cannot antagonise and influence at the same time,” said clergyman John Knox, neatly summing up Sara’s point that manipulation might occasionally get you what you want in the short term, but it rarely wins friends, hearts or minds in the longer term. Despite the authoritative stance of push negotiation, it still requires empathy, good communication and the ability to inspire others with your vision. It also helps if the people you’re trying to negotiate trust you and your motives; if you’re running a team brainstorm to find a solution to a problem you’ve already decided on the answer to, your team are likely to see straight through your attempts to demonstrate you care about their buy-in. “If you know what you want, say it upfront,” says Sara.

If you want to push others towards your goal but you lack hierarchal power, then preparation is required: “Anticipate objections, think about what they might say or argue back so that you can be thoughtful and creative [in response].”

Pull style of influencing

When a directive, forceful approach doesn’t feel right, taking a route whereby you motivate others to want to change is a much more beneficial one.

Less single-minded and serious, more animated and energising, you want to enable others, encourage them to share their opinions and ideas, inspire debate and collaboration, look at things from multiple perspectives and get buy-in for whichever solution is agreed upon.

It can be particularly useful for influencing downwards – moving your direct reports to action or even encouraging their learning and development.

33% of everywoman Network members use pull influencing most often, while 44% use a combination of push and pull.

 

One thing to note is that this process can often be slower than push, so if time is of the essence, the softer ‘pull’ approach might not be right.

And finally, while it’s important to flex your push/pull style according to the situation in which you find yourself needing to be influential, beware of combining the two in one situation. Research has shown that using both styles at once can result in one style cancelling the other out; the executive who comes in all guns blazing and then asks us what we think is more likely to leave us confused than influenced. 

Get more tips on influencing in all directions in the everywomanNetwork workbook Extending your influence.

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